I think the title explains everything, but for the voyeuristic folk out there, here goes.
A little while ago, not too far back but enough time that I’m comfortable talking about it, I met a group of girls in a park while me and my friends were prepping to go out. They, too, were drinking but hadn’t decided on where to go. So we managed to convince them to join our party, and eventually hit town with us.
Cut to the walk home. One of the girl’s place was on the way to my house so I accompanied her, whereupon we began making out and she put her hand down my jeans. I was only too happy to return the favour, hoping she’d invite me inside. Apparently, though, her roommates were inside and she “doesn’t want to be known as that kind of girl”. But I guess she wanted to be known as some type of girl, because she pulled me behind a boulder and told me to “put it in”. At this time, I was in a sexual drought and was not properly equipped. (Now, I have at least two condoms in every jacket and bag I own, because women get horny and I’m weak-willed.) As you might have guessed, this didn’t faze her. So to cut a long story short, I’m a dad.
Ha! No. NO. I only did that for a minute or so before I realised what was happening. So she jerked me off onto her chest. Whatever. I remember being ashamed of my actions, specifically going raw with a virtual stranger.
I only bring this up because, a couple of weeks ago, a similar thing happened: out of town girl practically jumps me, her family is in the hotel room, so we find a clearing in the woods, and I give – by a country mile – my worst ever performance. The damn girl went all porn star, and not in the good way. Really obviously fake stuff. You aren’t doing anything for me sweetheart, so shut up. It was really distracting, and I was so disgusted by myself that I faked it.
There was nothing objectively wrong with her. I mean she was crazy (total hot and cold with me) but I didn’t find that out until afterward. I just felt like, despite my not doing a single thing to turn this girl on, I just went for it. It was almost like I was taking advantage. I felt dirty for an entirely different reason.
So if “adults” do fuck in the woods, I’m pretty sure I’m not one of those adults.